London's 1998 Masterpiece: "Zodiac Hanson", Part 3
Oh, yes. And the saga continues.

6.

After they said good night to their parents, the girls agreed back in their room that London would get one of the beds all to herself that night

LONDON: --Because she's the bitch writing this story--

and then it would be Marie's turn. They were only staying two nights.

Liz had pouted about the fact that she didn't even get a bed but then started jabbering cheerily about how very fine Zac was. “Oh, my God, do you think he was flirting with me? I mean, he let me drink out of his Jolt! And we smiled at each other lots and lots! He has such a gorgeous smile! Ooh, I think that drink Very Fine would totally describe Zac.” She chirped. “What do you think, Marie?”

LONDON: For the record: Liz was a respectable person! She did not act like this! She deserves better!

“No, Leo deserves it more.”Marie said yawning and sitting down on the floor, closer to the TV so she could hear it without turning it up loud and waking up anybody.

“Whatever.”Liz waved her hand breezily and turned to London. “What about you, London?”

“What about me?” London mumbled, pulling back the sheets on the bed.

Liz sighed impatiently. “About Zac! About how that Very Fine drink should be named after him! What do you think?”

London moaned. Not more Zac crap, she thought as she crawled into the king-sized bed.

IVEY: A king-sized bed and she won't share?? Outrage!

“I think he would be better off described as Fruit Punch.” She joked sleepily, but she did think Zac was cool. Marie exploded into giggles and London had a hard time keeping a straight face herself.

Liz, however, was shocked. “How dare you say that about my ever lovin” honey pie!”She shrieked and threw a pillow at London.

LONDON: More honey pie!

Marie laughed harder. “Oh my God,”She gasped out. She buried her face into the shag carpet.

London smirked and said in a loud voice, “A little LOUDER, Liz, I don”t think they can HEAR YOU.”

Marie was about ready to die and the girls heard some pounding on the wall.

“Would you kindly shut the hell up?”Shane's voice was muffled by the wall. “Some decent people are trying to sleep!”

“Like who?”London asked back and the girls laughed harder, but they began to quiet down. “Now shut up. I need sleep.”London said, burying herself in the covers.

“Sweet dreams, London.”Liz smirked. “About Taylor!”Marie started laughing all over again.

London flung the covers off her head and sat up faster then a bullet. “Liz! Shut the hell up!”She hissed.

IVEY: OMG GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!! YOU'RE KILLING ME!

Liz pretended to be surprised. “Are you saying it”s not TRUE, London? IT'S NOT TRUE?!”She asked real loud.

London was beginning to get nervous and prayed to God that Taylor didn”t hear. She said, “Liz! Stop!”

“Taylor, baby! I love you! Come satisfy my every need!”Liz suddenly screamed out in ecstasy horrifyingly loud, mocking London. Marie was hysterical and London was mortified. Oh my God, he heard. He MUST have heard. If he didn”t he”s probably dead.

She jumped up, grabbed a pillow and smothered Liz. “Die, cruel one, die!”She hissed.

LONDON: FIGHT BACK AND KICK HER IN THE BOOB, LIZ!

Marie had to run off to the bathroom and London took the pillow off of Liz who was laughing and gasping for air. “Okay, I”ll stop.”Liz agreed, giggling. “What if Taylor heard?”

“Then you better join the Witness Protection Program “cause I”ll have purchased a shotgun.”

LONDON: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What happened to "being nice to almost everyone"???

London mumbled and crawled back into the king sized bed. She rested her flushed face against the pillow and closed her green eyes, falling asleep. Dreaming of Taylor....

* * *

Ring ring! London shot straight up in bed. What time is it? She wondered and looked at the digital clock beside her bed. Eight o” clock am! She moaned and fell back against the pillows. Why did I wake up?

Ring ring! Oh yeah--the phone. She gritted her teeth. Well, whoever it is, is gonna get it! She picked it up. “Hello?”She asked sleepily.

“Good morning, sunshine!”Zac”s oh-so cheery voice came through on the other end. She could hear Ike and Taylor talking in the back ground.

“What do you want, waking me up at eight o” clock?”She asked.

“It”s time to get up, sunshine!”How can he be so cheery at eight in the morning? “We”re going to go eat breakfast in the hotel”s dining room!”

“Zac?”

“Yes, sunshine?”

“Please don”t call me sunshine!”She then hung up and snuggled deep into the covers. She was NOT a morning person. And she hated to be called cute little names like “dearest” or worse”“sunshine”. She also hated the phrase “up with the buttercups” and “rise and shine”. Never once did London “rise and shine”.

IVEY: It is safe to say that she is not friendly to almost everyone!

Couldn”t people get it that she had to wake up on her own? Most people don”t dare to touch London when she”s asleep for fear of their life. Liz found that out when she put her cat on London”s head while London was asleep to try and wake her up. She learned her lesson afterwards!

LONDON: Oh my God: Like we really care! Liz really did drop her cat on my head to wake me up, though. It was pretty funny.

The phone rang again. By now, Marie and Liz were waking up. Marie moaned. “Answer the phone, London.”

“I just did!”

“Fine!”Marie sighed and started fumbling for the phone, her head under a pillow. Finally she found the receiver and answered, “Hello?”she listened for a minute and stuck the phone out for London to take. “Zac wants his sunshine, London.”

“Tell him his sunshine is going to kill him.”London retorted.

LONDON: It's called getting melanoma.

Marie groaned and put the phone back up to her ear, which was under the pillow. “Zac? She said that your - what? Hold on.”She held the phone out to London. “He said that if we don”t get up now he”s gonna call back every five seconds.”

“Doesn”t he know the danger in waking London up?”Liz mumbled, half asleep.

“Why that...gimme the phone.”London snatched it away from Marie.

“Finally!”Marie breathed a sigh of relief.

London sat up in the bed. “Listen, you disgusting little thug. Don”t you ever threaten me or I”ll have your head. Au revoir!”She hung up.

“One two three four five...“Liz counted. The phone rang and she sat up in bed, fully awake. “I”ll get it this time!”She picked up the phone and said in a deep voice, “Hello, you have reached Bob Dole”s room. Goodbye.”She hung up the phone.

IVEY: AHH BOB DOLE!


“Hello and goodbye?”London fell back on the pillow and started laughing. “That says it all!”

“Well”“Liz began but then the phone rang again.

LONDON: It's called "take the phone off the hook, you whores."

London growled. “That”s it! I can”t take it anymore! It”s time to tell him the whole story! And I can guarantee this boy won”t be waking us up tomorrow. You guys go get dressed.”Marie climbed out of bed first and went into the bathroom. Liz wanted to stay around and see what London was going to say. London picked up the phone. “Hello?”She asked calmly.

“Are you gonna get up now?”

“In just a sec,”London answered. “but first, I want to tell you a story. There was this guy named Stu. He loved his girlfriend Jane a whole lot but-”

“Sure,”She could just hear Zac rolling his eyes. “Oh, fine, I”ll humor you. And how true is this story?”

“All of it”s true.”London said. “Anyway, Jane loved to sleep, so they could never do a lot of stuff together, because she was always sleeping and she warned Stu that if he woke her up, she”d kill him. He thought she was joking, but humored her. So one day, Stu went to Jane”s house because Jane had the flu and he wanted to cheer her up. He went inside and up to Jane”s room. Jane was lying on her bed. She looked almost dead, and Stu got scared and shook her to see if she really was. Jane”s eyes flew open and Stu saw they were red. “I told you to never wake me up when I”m sleeping!” she screamed and took out a long butcher”s knife and stabbed Stu thirteen times. Then she gouged out his eyes and used the eyeballs for olives in her martinis. She scalped his hair and gave it to her rat so the rat could use it as bedding. Next she drained him of blood and put it in a container to use for wine later. She cut off his head and framed it on her wall above the fireplace. Then she used his body as a mobile and strung it above her bed. And then she cut off - well, you get the picture.”She stopped. “Zac, are you still there?”

LONDON: This. is ghey.

She heard a click and then she laughed. “What”s up?”Liz asked, trying not to show how repulsed she was at the story as London hung up the phone.

“Oh, nothing. He”s not calling anymore.”She smiled. “We better get dressed.”

* * *

They met Ryan, Shane, Zac, Taylor and Ike in the hall a half hour later.

“Hello!”Liz said cheerfully.

“Great!”Shane rolled his eyes. “Can we, like, eat now?!”

“We are kind of um”dying of starvation.”Ike agreed. They went down to the dining room, which was on the first floor, laughing the whole way. They got some weird looks for some of the older people.

LONDON: Ike, Shane, and Ryan all need something to do.

About five minutes later, the eight pop stars were all seated in a booth in the dining room. They ordered beverages and when the waitress brought them, she handed them menus and walked away. Zac, who was sitting on the end next to Taylor, opened his menu and said instantly, “I want a hamburger and a chocolate shake.”He shut the menu.

“Zac, they don”t serve hamburgers in the morning.”Ike said. “This is the breakfast menu.”He was on the other end of the booth and next to Marie.

“Darn.”Zac frowned and opened the menu again.

“Do they serve martinis in the morning?”Shane asked, sitting between London and Ryan. “I want a martini.”

“What”s with you and martinis?”London asked. She was sitting between Shane and Taylor. “You asked for a martini in the limo, too. You”re obsessed with martinis.”

“I like martinis.”Shane insisted.

“Sure.”London rolled her eyes. “You”re not even legal yet, and you”re drinking martinis.”

LONDON: Because that matters.

“Oh, come on. Who cares about martinis?”Marie asked, laughing. She was between Ike and Liz.

Zac was looking a bit green at all this martini talk. He could picture Jane using Stu”s eyeballs as olives in the martinis”he didn”t even wanna talk about it!

“Shane cares about martinis.”London answered.

“Yeah, I care about martinis.”Shane echoed.

“I don”t know why he cares about martinis,”London shrugged. “But he does care about martinis.”

“Why do you care about martinis, Shane?”Ryan asked.

“I just do, I guess, love martinis.”Shane answered.

LONDON: I think I was trying to be funny by ending every sentence with "martinis". It adds such hilarity to the banter, don't you concur?
IVEY: I'm on a train to Lolzville!

Zac leaned over the table. “Well, if you love it so much why don”t you marry it?”He asked challengingly.

Taylor found this conversation hysterical

LONDON: --Because he was obviously stoned--

and decided to join in. ““Oh, martini! I”ve loved you since I laid eyes on you! Please be mine!”“He imitated Shane and began kissing his orange juice glass and everyone started laughing.

LONDON: Add this to the TaylorCan'ts.
IVEY: I was hoping all the hilarity and laughter would grind to a halt once Taylor tried to join in.

The waitress came back. She whipped out a notepad. “What will it be?”She asked, smiling.

Ike pointed to Shane. “This kid wants a martini.”

The waitress continued to smile politely. “I”m sorry, no one under twenty one can purchase alcohol.”

LONDON: HE'S A ROCK STAR, BITCH! IN THE HOTTEST TEEN BAND, AT THAT! NOW BRING IT SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED!

“Oh, he's not going to drink it. He”s going to marry it.”London said innocently, sipping her orange juice. The table burst out laughing and the waitress looked at them strangely.

LONDON: Oh, London! You get all the best lines!

“Are you ready to order?”She asked, the cheerfulness in her voice now forced.

“I want a hamburger.”Zac replied.

“I”m sorry, this is the breakfast menu. We don”t serve hamburgers until noon.”She said.

“Then I”ll take chicken nuggets.”Zac said. Everyone was reminded of last night and they all burst out laughing hysterically again.

The waitress looked like she was on her last nerve and Ike calmed down first. “Okay, okay, I”ll have the..." He and everyone else ordered, except for Zac.

“I need more time.”Zac told her. She stalked away.

“Well, I”m so glad we brightened her day!”Liz said sunnily. She was sitting between Marie and Ryan.

“Yeah. Sure. That was us.”Marie laughed.

The waitress came back with their pancakes and Zac finally settled on French Toast. “Make it Frenchy!”He called after her cheerfully. London laughed so hard she almost choked on her orange juice.

“So what does everyone wanna do in LA today?”Marie asked, cutting up her pancake carefully.

“Disneyland!”Shane clapped his hands. “Puke city!”

“Yeah!”Ryan and Zac agreed enthusiastically.

“Oh, that sounds attractive.”London rolled her eyes and she and Taylor laughed.

“We won”t really puke.”Shane assured her. “We”ll just pretend to.”

Liz gave him a weird look. “Shane, that”s just dumb.”

"You”re dumb!”Shane shot back defensively.

“Just chill!”Ryan said. He was between the two and didn”t want to get killed if they started screaming at each other.

“Let”s find Leonardo DiCaprio”s house.”Marie suggested.

“Let”s not and say we did.”Ryan said cheerfully. Marie stuck her tongue out at him.

IVEY: Let's not and say we did!! We must bring that back. Is that a Rodney Dangerfield original?

“Anyone want to go to Universal Studios?”Taylor asked, drowning his pancakes in syrup.

“I do!”London said. “That place is cool - I was there a couple years ago. Someone pass the blueberry syrup please?”

LONDON: Gasp! They agree! This means they're destined for each other!

“So we should go to Universal Studios?”Ike asked, passing the blueberry syrup to London. “There”s supposed to be a Jurassic Park ride.”

“Cool!”Ryan, Shane, and Zac exclaimed.

“No puking or ya die.”Taylor said, nudging Zac. Zac nudged Taylor hard into London.

Taylor blushed. “Sorry, London. My brother is stupid.”He glared at Zac.

“It”s okay.”London smiled shakily at him and he blushed again.

LONDON: Oh, just get a room, you a-holes.

“Ooh, kissy kissy!”Zac said, then dropped his fork. “Oops.”He grinned sheepishly at everyone then ducked down to get it. But when he was coming up he whacked his head on the table and it shook so hard Marie spilled her milk all over Liz”s pancakes.

LONDON: They're so wacky!
IVEY: This sucks so bad! I don't want to hang out with any of these clowns!

“Ow!”Zac yelled loudly. A couple people turned around to see what happened.

Taylor hid his face in his hands. “My brother is the most embarrassing person on the face of the earth.”He mumbled.

“Things could be worse.”London said,

LONDON: But this story can't be!

and he had to agree.

7.

At ten o” clock, after telling their parents and their managers where they would be going, they walked to the lounge. Mr. Stevens, being the easy going (and rich) guy that he was, tossed the keys to his car at Ike. “Here, kid. Don”t crash.”

Ike was shocked. “What? I”m driving your car?”

Mr. Stevens nodded. “Yep.”

“But”why are you giving this responsibility to me?”

“Cause your the only one who can drive.”Shane reminded.

Zac rolled his eyes. “What a moron!”He said of his older brother. Ike glared at his brother, who put on an angelic face and smiled.

Ike turned back to Mr. Stevens. “But what if I crash?”

“You won”t.”

“How do you know?”

““Cause I told you not to.”

Oh, reassuring. “But, Mr. Stevens, you”re not even my manager or anything. Why me?”

“We established this fact!”Liz said, exasperated.

“Do we have to spell it out for you?”Ryan asked.

“YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DRIVE!”Taylor said slowly, like he was talking to a five year old.

LONDON: Yeah, Jesus, Ike, don't be such a vagina.
IVEY: They're the hottest teen bands!! Shouldn't they have a driver??

Mr. Stevens sipped his coffee. “True. If London had a license, I would give the keys to her.”

“Heck! Don”t let that minor detail stand in the way!”London exclaimed and pretended to grab the keys.

Ike looked down at the keys. “What car is yours?”

Mr. Stevens smiled. “It”s out front by the valet. Now, get out of here and have fun!”The eight turned and raced out of the lounge.

They had to practically put a gun to Ike”s head in order for him to drive it, but once he got in it, everything was perfect.

LONDON: Right, you have to force a teenage boy to drive a car.

As soon as they hit the freeway, London, Shane, and Zac began begging for the radio. The six of them were piled in the back, London, Shane, and Zac sitting on the top of the seats with the wind whipping threw their hair. The other three were sitting on the actual seat, getting kind of annoyed that the others” feet were hanging down in their faces. Taylor was the navigator. Well, at least that what he called himself. He was just along for the ride, as everyone else.

LONDON: SEATING CHART!

“Come on, Ikey Pooh!”Zac whined. “Turn on radio!”

“Shut up, Zac! I”m trying to concentrate!”Ike yelled over the wind to his little brother, whom he was getting quite aggravated with. It wasn”t just Zac, driving on the freeway is always hectic.

Shane leaned over Ryan and Liz and tapped Taylor on the shoulder. “Could you turn on the music, Hanson-Brother-Who-Is-Not-Busy-With-The-Freeway?”He asked.

Taylor grinned and turned on the radio. Ike glared at him and Taylor gave him an angelic smile. Ike gritted his teeth and focused on the road.

“Turn it up!”Zac yelled.

“Yeah!”London echoed. “I like my music loud and pulsating!”

LONDON: Just like my men!

So Taylor shrugged and turned it up louder.

LONDON: Because what London says goes!

Ike was going to tell them to turn it down, but it wouldn”t have mattered anyway - they couldn”t hear him.

Suddenly, Culture Club”s song “Karma Chameleon” came on a 80”s radio station and London yelled, “Don”t change the station! I like this song!”She started singing along, ““Desert lovin” in your eyes all the way, and if I listen to your lies would you say...“

IVEY: This certainly ain't no Vanilla Ice!

Zac pretended he knew what the words were and started mouthing a bunch of gibberish. Ryan turned his baseball cap backwards and started pretending he was some West Coast rapper.

LONDON: Please try to wrap your mind around anyone acting like Tupac during a Boy George song.

Marie smothered a laugh. “This is hardly a rap song!”She pointed out.

“Shut up, homey!”Ryan retorted and she started laughing.

““You come and go! You come and go....karma karma karma karma karma chameleon! You come and go, you come and go”“London continued.

IVEY: I bet her voice is wonderful!

Liz and Ryan decided to play The Crusher and pushed Marie up against the door until she was screaming Bloody Murder. While the others were at one end, Zac slipped down into the seat so all four of them were crushed and left with no room!

““Didn”t hear your wicked words everyday! And you used to be so sweet I heard you say”““London sang, and Taylor turned around. She turned kind of pink and smiled. He smiled back and she went on, “That our love was an addiction! When we cling, our love is strong”“

Taylor just watched her for a second. She looks really attractive right now.

LONDON: ::DYING A THOUSAND DEATHS!!!!:: HE FELL IN LOVE WITH LONDON WHILE SHE SANG KARMA CHAMELEON ON THE FREEWAY!

He thought and then shook his head, as if to get those thoughts out of his head.

IVEY: I need not say anything!

“Ahhhhh!”Liz suddenly screamed, disrupting the reverie. She was in the middle, along with Ryan so, she and Ryan were definitely getting killed the most. “Stop it!”Ryan, Marie, and Zac gave each other evil looks and at the same time rammed into Liz. She screamed louder, but no one heard her really well because of the radio and the trucks and cars on the freeway.

““Lovin” would be easy if your colors were like my dream! Red, gold, and green”Red, gold, and green”““London sang, trying to ignore The Crusher scene in front of her.

LONDON: OH, SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! NO ONE CARES YOU KNOW THE WORDS!

By that time Shane jumped in, too, so Marie, Liz, Ryan, and Zac (and now Shane) were really getting crushed!

London stopped her own singing.

LONDON: Thank God.

“Sure, Shane, Zac! Just leave me! All lonely!”She leaned over to meet her knees and pretended to cry, her hair shielding her face. Suddenly, a truck behind them honked and she was so shocked she fell on everybody in the backseat, who all screamed or yelled at the same time. Taylor watched the scene with amusement.

“Get off me!”Marie shrieked and London sat up dizzily and bonked heads with Liz.

“Ow! Liz, get your fat head away from me!”London yelled, rubbing her forehead. Her voice had a definite note of furious irritation. She pushed Liz”s head into Ryan”s.

LONDON: Is London ever nice to her "best friend"? I'm gonna go with no.

“Ouch!”Liz and Ryan both moaned. London struggled to sit up and everyone tried to push her off themselves. It was not easy to do two at once so no one was getting anywhere.

Taylor let out laugh and covered his mouth as soon as he saw London glance at him. She pointed a finger at him. “You”re next on my

LONDON: --TO-DO--

list, buddy.”Taylor couldn”t contain his laughter any more and tapped Ike on the shoulder while turning down the radio.

“Um, Ike”I think there”s a problem with your passengers.”As soon as he said it, he started laughing again.

Ike didn”t even look back - he knew he wouldn”t like it. It”s like having six hyper siblings - all like Zac! And even Taylor is getting wound so make that seven! He glanced up at a sign that read “Universal Studios 6 miles”. He smiled. Oh heck. You just got have fun with it all!

LONDON: Ike, ditch these losers and head for the nearest bar.
IVEY: Ike, I'll fuck you! Let's get out of here!

* * *

“Here we are!”Ike said, happy that he finally got off the freeway. London managed to get out of the backseat first (and alive!), stepping on everybody in the process.

LONDON: I am such a cunt.

They all screamed as she either kicked them in the head or stepped on their arm or something. She smirked as her Airwalks hit the parking lot. “Sorry.”

IVEY: AIRWALKS!!!!11

“I”ll bet you are.”Shane groaned and climbed up on the top of the seats. Then he stood up and leapt on the parking lot.

“Clever!”Taylor said to Shane as he got out of the car.

“Yeah, I try.”Shane said modestly. The others scrambled their way out of the car.

London nudged him. “Why don”t ya try more often, then?”She laughed and Shane nudged her back.

When they were all out the car they walked up to the entrance and paid their way in. Ike looked around. “Okay, what first?”

“Tram ride.”Liz, London, and Marie said at the same time.

“You have to do the tram ride first. It would be abnormal if we didn”t.”London explained.

“No way! I want to do the Jurassic Park ride!”Shane whined.

Liz shrugged. ““Kay, bye.”She turned to go.

“Come on, Shane. We”ll all go there later.”Marie said.

Ike said, “Okay, guys, let”s go to the tram."

LONDON: OMG! I'm so sick of London getting her own way!

“They began walking toward it when there was a scream up from the crowd. “Oh my God! Zodiac! Hanson!”

They all glanced at each other. “Uh oh.”They spun around and saw a group of hysterical preteens run over and thrust paper and pens in their faces, asking for autographs.

IVEY: LOL. Yes! Mister President!

Suddenly a crowd gathered and their eyes widened and they thought they saw their lives flash before their eyes. Just then, someone pushed through the crowd and called security. Marco! Soon everything was under control.

“Wow, Marco, what are you doing here?”Ryan asked, relieved. Everyone was relieved, actually.

“Richard told me, no thanks to you.”Marco said. “You eight aren”t supposed to be roaming about places, Universal Studios for God”s sake, without security or bodyguards! Or disguises.”

They all just stood there, guilty. “So, now what?”Zac asked nervously. Marco was a big guy and he was a tad bit freaked out around him.

“You guys can go on rides and stuff but I have to come along.”Marco said. “And Jason should be here soon.”Jason was Hanson”s bodyguard.

LONDON: Yes, two bodyguards protecting eight members of the hottest teen band. That'll work.

Everyone was still silent as they walked down to the tram ride and stood in line. Ryan had enough of the silence and decided to break it. “When”s lunch?”He asked out the blue.

“You just finished breakfast, like, forty five minutes ago!”Liz gaped at him incredulously.

Ryan pouted. “I don”t care,”He said, crossing his arms.

“Let”s go to Wendy”s!”Zac yelled. “I want a square hamburger!”He began jumping up and down.

London watched him. “The lad”s excited about everything, isn”t he?”Everything seemed to be normal again - hyper and happy. Except this time with a huge bodyguard ready to crush anyone”s bones trailing them.

IVEY: This story makes me want to go get drunk.

“It does appear that way, doesn”t it?”Liz asked.

“Oh, you know what?”Ike slapped his forehead, changing the subject completely. “We forgot to hear you guys play! You know, like sing and stuff!”

“You will eventually.”Shane assured him breezily.

“Later.”Marie promised. The line moved up a little.

“So what should we do tomorrow?”Ryan asked.

“Are you always thinking about the future?”Ike asked, also referring back to his “when”s lunch” question.

“It”s good to think about the future!”Ryan retorted.

“Yeah, but you go way too far into it!”Shane said.

Liz rolled her eyes. “Shane, it”s only tomorrow, for heaven”s sake! You”re the dumbest thing to walk the planet!”

Shane narrowed his eyes into little slits. “No, no, after you. Ladies first, you know.”

Liz raised a fist and pretended to punch him. “I could knock you into tomorrow!”

Shane smirked. “But Liz! “It”s only tomorrow, for heaven”s sake”!”He mimicked her.

Taylor snickered. “Don”t go way too far in the future!”

Ike said, “This conversation is absolutely point-”He was interrupted by a bored employee. “How many in your party?”

“Nine,”London said, counting Marco.

She blinked then her eyes widened. “Hey, aren”t you Zodiac?”

London looked at the others and smiled. “Um, yeah.”

The employee did not sound so bored anymore. “Oh my God, my niece and nephew and all their friends love you! Can I please have an autograph?”

IVEY: They are so much more famous than Hanson!

Zodiac looked at each other and shrugged. “Sure!”While they signed the employee”s receipt from McDonald”s (it was all she had on her) the employee noticed Hanson. “Oh my God, you”re Hanson! My niece loves you too! Will you sign this?”She handed the receipt to Zac after Zodiac finished signing it.

“Thank you!”She squealed and directed them to a tram car. They raced toward it and hopped in. London was sitting between Taylor and Marie. Behind them sat Zac, Liz, Ryan, and Shane. Ike sat next to Taylor on the end and Marco sat behind Zac and Liz.

The tram started moving

IVEY: What the fuck's a tram, anyway?

and they were shown around movie sets, went through special effects, and other things. Then they went through a dark tunnel. Suddenly, King Kong appeared and tried to grab the tram. London let out a shriek and leaned away from the window and into Taylor. Much to Taylor”s embarrassment, he really didn”t mind it.

IVEY: AHH! BONERFEST!!
LONDON: I want to read about some sexin'!

Liz yelled over the noise, “London, stop screaming! We have investments in that voice and we don”t want your vocal cords all crappy!”

“Oh, you”re in for it, Liz.”London yelled back.

After the tram ride, which even Shane agreed was fun, they on the Jurassic Park ride and the Back To The Future ride - both times screaming hysterically just for the sake of screaming!

LONDON: Is it obvious I'd gone to Universal Studios the year or so before writing this?

Then they went to a restaurant where they met up with Jason, so they decided it be easier if they split up into two groups. Ike, London, Ryan, and Zac were in Jason”s group and Taylor, Liz, Marie, and Shane were in Marco”s. Taylor was a bit jealous of Ike (though he”d hate to admit it) because Ike was in London”s group. Get OVER IT, Taylor! He reprimanded himself.

While Jason”s group went to go to hunt down more rides (Shane is a very persistent boy), Marco”s group went to go check out the shops and stuff they passed on the way to the tram. London stopped in front of a shop where you can get your picture taken and then it”s put on a fake magazine cover. “Oh, let”s do that!”She said.

LONDON: Oh God. Wait for more patting myself on the back.

“Yeah!”Zac clapped his hands.

Ike and Ryan shook their heads. “Nah,”Ike said. “We want to check out that Strength Tester.”

““Strength Tester”?”Marco asked.

“Yeah.”Ryan said. “The bangy thing with the bells.”Zac and London started laughing.

“Well, you could call it that.”Ike smiled. “So, can um, we kind of split up?”He asked Marco. He was kind of intimidated by him as Zac was.

Marco”s eyebrow” furrowed. “Yeah, I guess. Just don”t go far. Take this cellular so if you get into some fans, you can beep me and I”ll get there.”Ike nodded and he and Ryan were off.

London and Zac agreed to take their picture together. “What magazine do you want to be on?”London asked.

“Um”how about Rolling Stone?”Zac suggested. She agreed and they went to get their picture taken. They had it taken and had to wait for an hour while it got developed so they returned to Marco and the three went to find Ike and Ryan at the Strength Tester.

An hour and a half later, Marco”s group met back up with Jason”s group. By that time Zac and London had their picture, which they got doubles of. “Let us see,”Marie said.

London took hers out of the manila envelope and showed them to Jason”s group. In the picture, which was taken against a dark green background, London had an arm draped around Zac”s shoulder and they both looked older and more serious. Their eyes were darker and more mysterious, but in a good way. They both looked really good.

LONDON: And they're not even 16!
IVEY: NEWDZ?!?!?

“Wow,”Taylor whispered under his breath so the others didn”t hear. He thought it

IVEY: --Zac--

looked really good but he wished he”d been where Zac was in the picture. Taylor! STOP! He said in his head and passed the picture to Jason.

London and Zac weren”t looking as serious as they did in the picture. Instead, they were pretending to push Liz, Marie, Ryan, and Shane in the fountain. Ike laughed. “Enthusiastic bunch, aren”t they?”Taylor nodded.

Suddenly, Liz said something to London that Taylor didn”t hear (it was about him and London but he didn”t know) and London nudged her”accidentally into the fountain. Liz was soaking wet and the boys were laughing so hard they were hiccuping. London”s mouth fell open and she stepped back. Liz leaped out of the fountain and began chasing London, who was pretty fast

IVEY: Not only is London cool and fine and friendly to almost everyone, she's fast, too!

and Liz ended up not catching her. But it was still funny.

A funny end to a weird day.

LONDON: Oh, you are so right, Narrator!

8.

They came back to the hotel at five o” clock that evening, laughing as they came through the door.

London and Ryan”s mother Irene was in the lounge reading and waiting for them to come back. She looked up when she heard laughing and motioned them to come in the lounge. “So how was Universal?”She asked as London sat down next to her in another armchair.

“Oh, just dandy!”Zac said, talking like a Southerner.

“Let”s see, we encountered a stampede of obsessive fans. They all over us, but beloved Marco saved us and called security.”Liz said.

“Really?”Irene”s eyes widened.

“Don”t worry. Nobody died.”Liz waved her hand breezily.

“London almost died, though.”Shane piped up as he and Ryan sorted through the hard candies sitting on the glass coffee table.

“In the stampede?”Irene gasped, turning her eyes to London.

“No.”Ryan rolled his eyes. “When Liz came after her like she was possessed because London pushed her in the fountain!”

Irene gave London a look and London smiled and shrugged. “Hey, it was funny!”

“And then she almost died again when King Kong tried to eat the tram car!”Ryan said.

“Boy, I almost die a lot.”London joked, grinning.

LONDON: Sadly, it never pans out.

“Not funny.”Irene shook her head.

LONDON: Not even a little?

“But don”t worry,”Zac interjected. “Taylor held her in a protective, loving embrace!”Everyone started laughing hysterically, except London and Taylor, who”s faces were slowly turning red.

IVEY: There is so much hysterical laughter in this bunch!

“What?!”London shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Irene even had a knowing smirk on her face. “Oh, is this so?”

“Zac!”Ike said, snickering. “Please!”

“Oh, but you all know it”s true!”Zac leapt around the glass coffee table like a ballerina and began to exaggerate the whole story. “She purposely pressed against him in fright - oh, don”t deny it I saw the whole thing! He held her close to his pounding madly heart and began to perspire at the very idea of being so close to his love. After the danger past, they pulled away, London”s emerald eyes and Taylor”s sapphire ones locked and their minds raced with thoughts of each other. Later, their eyes told each other”“

LONDON: Where's the nearest rooftop?

Everyone was in hysterics with Zac”s story. Taylor truly believed he had never been more humiliated in all his fifteen year old life. You couldn”t see London”s red face because it was buried in her hands. The two both had one thing on their mind at that moment: homicide.

“Okay, Zac. And how many Danielle Steel”s books have you read?”Liz giggled.

Zac waved his hand. “Not Danielle Steel! Cosmopolitan!”They all laughed.

“Don”t you think they”re a bit mature for you, Zac?”Irene laughed.

“They are? Well, I”ll be the judge of that!”Zac said. He didn”t really ever read one and hadn”t planned on it, but once he found out they were too mature for little ol” him, he was dying to find out!

London stood up. “I”m going for a swim,”She mumbled.

Shane gasped. “You”re skinny dipping?”

“With Taylor?”Ryan asked sweetly. The two best friends enjoyed creating misconceptions.

IVEY: E! I'm adding that to my list of things I enjoy!

They learned it from London! (Naturally.)

“Ooooohhhh! Naughty London !”Shane said, and everyone started laughing except, of course, the two poor victims.

“No. Not skinny dipping, and by myself.”London retorted. Then she whacked both their heads. Hard.

“Ow wow!”The boys moaned.

“Well, that”s what you get when you play Dominos.”London said shortly and walked angrily out of the lounge.

LONDON: Drown. Today.

Zac was confused. “Dominos?”He asked. “Who was playing Dominos?”Everyone groaned and Ike whacked the back of Zac”s head, hard.

* * *

Later that night at seven o” clock, the girls were sitting around in their hotel room, thinking about what to do. They finished the tour of the hotel, Ike couldn”t drive them anywhere (he was hanging out with his buds and they picked up some chicks so they were out cruising in Mr. Stevens convertible), and tennis, pool, swimming, exercising, and checking out guys were all vetoed. (Marie and London were all for the guy idea but Liz vetoed it because she was afraid Zac would be jealous. Eyes rolled at this.)

“I can”t wait to start touring!”Liz let out a bored sigh. ““Cause then we”ll have something to do.”

“Liz!”Marie”s mouth fell open. “I”m astonished at your behavior! Not that I, ya know, never am, but you”ve got Hanson in the room across from you and you”re whining about being bored!”

“Check her head,”London asked, looking up from her Cracked magazine (her favorite magazine) she was reading on her bed. “Maybe she”s ill. I mean physically, not mentally. We already know she”s severely neurotic.” She laughed at her choice of words and Liz threw a pillow at her.

“Please, London!”Marie sighed. “Use words Liz can understand!”London and Marie both laughed this time.

“Look who”s talking!”Liz retorted. “I”m taking this verbal abuse from someone who reads Cracked? Something”s wrong with your head!”

London shrugged. “Yeah, you”re taking it. It”s pay back from when you said this afternoon that Taylor and I should get wet and wild in the fountain.”Marie started laughing. “Then you wondered why I pushed you in. And don”t make fun of Cracked.”
“Why not? Cracked makes fun of everything else!”Liz replied.

LONDON: I should've sold advertising space in my story for "Cracked" -- maybe then they'd still be in business!

““Cause they”re cool and you”re not. Just kidding.”Liz laughed though (she laughs at everything) and London shut the magazine. “Let”s go get a movie. There”s a movie rental place on the second floor, I think. Wanna do that?”

“Let”s get Romeo + Juliet or Titanic!”Marie squealed as she immediately warmed to the idea and named her favorite movies.

LONDON: I'm sorry, Marie! I'm sorry I wrote you so pathetic! Oh, well: You're now marrying a marine in reel lyfe and I'm writing about Zac Hanson taking his clothes off, so it all worked out.

London loved Titanic too and the cousins looked at Liz. “Well, what do you have to say?”

“I say yay!”Liz rhymed pathetically, and London even told her so. Liz frowned. “You”re always picking on me!”

They ignored her. “Marie, you can come with me to get the movies.”London instructed. “Liz, you call room service for a pizza, okay?”

“Yeah, and Liz, no chicken nuggets!”Marie ordered and she and London walked out of the room laughing.

Liz pouted. “Do I have a sign on my back that says “Walk All Over Me” or something?”She reached for the phone.

LONDON: Apparently!

* * *

Taylor heard laughing in the hall and went to check it out.

LONDON: London's tinkly giggle is like a siren's song!

He was bored playing Sega with Shane, Ryan, and Zac, who were greatly engrossed by Mortal Kombat. Besides, he and Zac were losing big time so he was glad for the distraction.

He opened the door and saw London and Marie walking down the hall. “Where are you guys going?”

They turned around. “To rent movies and get junk food.”Marie replied. “Wanna come?”

Taylor looked back at the guys, who didn”t even notice he got up. Then he smiled back at the girls. “Sure. They won”t miss me.”

IVEY: YAY! GIRLS' NIGHT!!

* * *

They reached the video place and split up. Taylor went to go look at new releases, Marie went to go look at drama/romance, and London looked at the comedy section. She scanned the shelves, looking for a movie she really wanted to see. But she wanted to see so many! How could she choose?

“Let”s see,”London asked herself. “Beavis and Butthead Do America - that was good. Romy and Michelle”s High School Reunion - maybe. Chasing Amy - looks good. My Best Friend”s Wedding - quite possib-”

LONDON: Okay, let's just list all the movies I was into when I was 13-14...

“London!”Marie squealed and ran over to her, a video clutched in her hand. She held up Romeo + Juliet. Why, how shocking! “Please? I love this movie!”

“I”ve noticed this but wouldn”t you rather see a movie you haven”t already seen before?”London asked. “Besides, what happened to Titanic? I love that movie. I mean, I love R+J too, don”t get me wrong, but I”ve only seen Titanic about two or three times.”

IVEY: ONLY?! That's two times too many!

Marie nodded. “I loved Titanic too, even more then Romeo + Juliet, but I want to see this today. Plus, this place doesn”t have Titanic yet, the crap weasels. How do they survive?”The poor girl was going to go mad if she didn”t get own way, so London said yes. Marie kissed the video and skipped off.

London went back to scanning the shelves. “Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery - looks good. Swingers - possibly.”She sighed. “What to choose?”Should she call Liz? Maybe Liz would tell her to get one she already pondered and it wouldn”t be that difficult. She turned around and bumped right into Taylor.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn”t know you there!”She stepped back.

“It”s okay. Did you find one you wanted?”He asked.

“No. I mean, yeah, but I can”t make up my mind.”She said. “Did you?”

“Not yet.”Taylor looked at the movies on the shelf. “Beavis and Butthead Do America? That movie was funny.”

“That movie was awesome.”London agreed. “Who do you like better - Beavis or Butthead?”

IVEY: I'm cringing!

“Um”Beavis, “cause he”s stupider.”Taylor said. “What about you?”
“I like Butthead “cause he”s smarter and he doesn”t let Beavis push him around.”London answered. She shook her head in disbelief. “Why did they take that show off the air?”

Taylor shook his head. “I have not a clue.”

London looked back at the movies. “So, I was thinking about a comedy or something. Like Austin Powers, Swingers,...”

“Austin Powers sounds good.”Taylor nodded. “Mike Myers is funny.”

“Swingers has that Vince Vaughn in it. What about Lost World.”She said. “Did you ever see Hackers?”Taylor shook his head. “Oh, well, that”s a pretty cool movie, except there”s a lot of computer lingo in it. The dumb ones wouldn”t get it.”She and Taylor laughed.

LONDON: I am so bored!
IVEY: I want to put on some Airwalks, play with my Nano pet and watch Hackers!

Marie came over. “Pick something?”She asked cheerfully.

“Nope, not yet.”London said. “Guess I”ll have to call Dum Kid.”She walked over to the phone.

Taylor looked at Marie. “Dum Kid?”

“That”s Liz.”

LONDON: Who else? Jesus Christ.

“And they”re best friends?”

Marie nodded. “Yep! They tease each other constantly but they”re like sisters. You know, sometimes you like “em, sometimes you want to throw them out the window.”Taylor nodded. He did know.

London came back. “She said she didn”t care. Big help, huh? She”s probably too transfixed with Zac to care about a movie.”She smirked and covered her mouth. “Oops. I shared too much, didn”t I?”

Marie giggled and Taylor smiled. “Yeah, maybe a smidge.”

Taylor picked out Beavis and Butthead Do America and they all chose Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery. Then they left the video place.

IVEY: Maybe they'll all be hit by a car on their walk back!